John Gray on The Aware Show
Listening to John Gray was extremely interesting for me! In fact, I was able to get my own personal question answered by him during the show which was HUGE considering I was in on the call all the way from New Zealand!
To begin, John was asked how much our biology has to do with our communication.
He stated that body supports mind and mind supports body and claimed that mind and body are directly related. Nothing too new here considering the expert opinion we’ve been hearing over the last few weeks on the Aware Show however, what John expanded on was the fact that Universities now have new technologies that allow us to SEE the biological differences between men and women. He furthered that men’s and women’s essential needs are different and we need to know this in order to have empathy and understanding in our relationships.
What is the number one reason people split up?
According to John, with more women in work, there is a growing dissatisfaction in our relationships because of stress. Generally, when women go to work, they come home tired but feel that they need to keep the home and family with the same efforts that their mothers did. (Sound familiar?)
What John described next was VERY interesting:
- In this day and age, we are governed by a sense of urgency, emergency and competition. Due to the biology of men, this will lower their stress levels BUT taking into account the biology in women, it will NOT lower stress levels for them. Women require co-operation, collaboration and security which are in total opposition to the values stated above (that we seem to be living by today)
- John made a contrast between oxytoxin and testosterone – with oxytoxin being the hormone that helps to lower stress levels in women and testosterone doing the same thing for men.
- In the past, women’s work often had to do with oxytoxin related activities, and men with testosterone related activities but over time, as this has been reversed for women, womens stress levels get higher and higher.
- What’s even worse, they come home looking for security and oxytocin related activities (such as cleaning and talking) to help lower the stress levels, and their partners wish to do exactly the opposite thing as they come home from a high testosterone level day, they simply wish to sit in front of the couch and stare at the television set!
- Finally, John stated that the oxytoxin related activities required to calm the woman’s stress levels need to be done in a non-urgent manner otherwise, it just increases testosterone levels further.